Social Media and Self Image

Can I first just say that I am thankful for the lack of technology that was available when I was a tween/teen? I mean, seriously. Every time I talk to my almost-thirteen-year-old niece, she has some type of new social media account. That means that I’ve fallen behind on my Aunt Tori duties and make a mental note to download the app(s) and create the account(s). That little girl is, after all, the major reason that I have an Instagram and the only reason that I’ll be visiting the Google Play Store to download the KIK app (I assume it is an app) and whatever else it is that she’s a part of these days. I’m sure the list will only grow over the next few years as she becomes a full-fledged teenager, and when that time comes, I will download whatever crazy social media app she has and I will “follow/friend/like/<3” her.

Speaking of social media, I was perusing my baby girl’s Instagram account earlier tonight and came across a picture of her (a selfie, of course!) and decided to read the comments. BIG MISTAKE for one little boy who decided to share the following: “Rate~8” to which she replied “thx” (that’s teenager for “thanks”). Now, I will admit that I enjoy embarrassing my niece in public by randomly breaking out in song, or trying on the goofiest hat I can find..after all, what are aunts for?!? However, I try not to get too involved when it comes this sort of thing (most of the time she receives positive comments or ones that have nothing to do with the picture) but I was one mad Aunt Tori after seeing that some little punk had rated my niece and that she was (seemingly) accepting of it. When did we start teaching boys that it’s okay to treat young ladies like a piece of meat? And when did we teach said young ladies that it’s perfectly normal for someone to assign you a number? I mean, seriously?!? Numbers are for math, not for “complimenting” someone. We are so much more than just a number. I know my niece sure as hell is. She is a STRAIGHT-A student. She is a fun, life-loving, hug-giving, selfie-taking, oboe-playing girl. G.I.R.L. She is a girl. She is only 12 years old. Maybe I’m overreacting because when I look at her, I still see the 2-year-old with pig tails that I used to cover with “Aunt Tori kisses” and take to Chuck E. Cheese’s. She will forever be my little girl, and it hurts my hurt to know that she thinks it’s okay for some boy to describe her using a number. Did I mention that this same beautiful young lady is struggling with her self-image? She stopped eating because she felt that she was “too fat” when comparing herself to her friends and classmates. She is 5’ tall and wears a size 0. She has a booty and curves, much like I did at her age, and for this, she feels she is “fat.” She has 16-year-old boys checking her out at the beach, but she thinks she is “fat.” She is currently on a beach trip with a friend and a friend-of-the-friend and told my sister she wanted to come home because her “friends” were comparing her to them and telling her she’s “bigger” than them and couldn’t borrow any of their clothes because she “wouldn’t fit in them” and that she should get the top bunk because she was “bigger” than them and they could share the bottom bed. Part of me wants to smack talk to them to let them know that words can hurt and they need to think before they speak. Then there’s the other part of me that wonders if she is taking what they said too personally. I mean, honestly, I’d rather have a bed to myself and not have to share, wouldn't you? Did they really just mean that she’d be more comfortable on the top bunk alone because she really is “bigger” than them?

She has a good head on her shoulders, and (usually) makes good decisions, so why in the world is she not able to comprehend how wonderful, beautiful, and amazing she is? Why can’t she listen to her own voice instead of worrying about what some boy on Instagram tells her? Why does she think it’s perfectly normal for a boy to label her with a number like a price tag ? I can tell you one thing for sure.. that girl is priceless. I believe it was Dr. Seuss who said something along the lines of “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  I just don’t understand. Growing up, I remember having times when I felt “ugly” or “fat” but never did I think that starving myself was the answer. I’m sure I had boys (and probably girls, too) that labeled me, but I knew that at the end of the day, it was the way I felt about myself that truly mattered. I sure as heck didn’t hang out with people who made me think less of myself. And I hope that I never made anyone feel badly about themselves. Children today are growing up WAY too fast, both physically and emotionally. They aren’t taking time to be kids and enjoy having care-free lives; they’re too worried about where their next selfie will come from or how many followers they have on Instagram. Social media is taking over their lives and consuming their free time. I fully admit that sometimes I am on my phone too much. I like to check in on Facebook and see what’s going on in everyone else’s lives. I enjoy checking out my friends’ pictures on Instagram. The difference is I do not turn to these modes of social media for acceptance or self-worth. And I do not know how to get my niece to understand that there is so much more to life than what some little boy says about her Instagram picture or how many followers she has. I want her to enjoy middle school and I want her to realize what an amazing young lady she is. I want her to love herself and accept herself. Above all, I want her to be a kid and enjoy the freedom that comes along with that.

Moral of the story: Be yourself, love yourself, and discard anyone in your life who is not willing to do the same.