So, I am really bad at remembering to post (hints the week between them).. Guess I am going to have to set a reminder in my NEW phone. I did have AT&T and as a graduation gift, my brother was paying for the service for my phone until the contract is up, but it was up before he even offered and he wouldn't let me pay, so I got my own service and a brand spankin' new phone this weekend. I finally got my old number switched over and figured out how to connect to 3G so I can use the internet and all that fun stuff on it. I am super excited about it!
This week is Spring Break and I took the week off from my other job, so I am enjoying a week of no obligations except to make sure no one steals my niece. :-)
Continuing with my List that will probably take me forever and a day to finish, here is numero 6: The hardest thing you have ever experienced.
This one is both easy and difficult for me to answer because I can think of a couple of different events in my life that would constitute as pretty damn hard to deal with; for all purposes of choosing only one, I will definitely have to go with losing my Gma. I still remember the details of that terrible weekend as if it just happened...
On October 14,2009, my Gma had knee replacement surgery and when I saw her two days later, she was perfectly fine. We were planning on baking for Christmas and she asked me to look for those little treat boxes the next time I went to Michael's. My mom asked me to stay the night with Gma, but she said that she was fine and would call the boys (my brother and cousin were living with her) if she needed any help, so after hanging out for about an hour, I left to go about with my Friday night. I happened to go to Michael's that night so I called her to tell her I had found the boxes. We talked for a few minutes and then said bye. Little did I know that this would be the last phone conversation that I would ever have with my Gma. The next day while I was on my way to a friend's baby shower, my brother called to tell me that he had called 911 and they were taking Gma to the hospital, fearing that she had a stroke sometime during the night or early morning. I was assured that everything would be fine and was told to go on with my day; I would get a phone call if anything changed. So, I went to the baby shower and visited with my friend whom I hadn't seen in years. After the shower, my mom picked me up and we went to the hospital, where we had to scrub down, put on shoe covers and bio-hazard suits (long story!) in order to enter the room. Even though my Gma was out of it, she recognized me and I assured her that she was special because I wouldn't have worn that get-up for just anyone. I think she might have even laughed. Well, I had to be at work the next morning, so Mom and I stayed for a little bit and then she took me home. While at work the next day, I got a phone call from my mom that Gma was going to have surgery to remove a large piece of her intestines because they were severely infected. I took the call at the phone behind the customer service desk and could barely keep myself together long enough to get into the hallway where no one could see me break down. I felt helpless but was able to compose myself with the help of a friend. My manager tried to let me leave, but I decided to keep myself occupied at work and would go to the hospital after my shift. When I arrived, the room was filled with my family: Mom, my sister and brothers, aunts, cousins. Everyone was there. We were all playing the waiting game. After the surgery was over, we learned that the doctors had removed several feet of Gma's intestines; the max. amount that could be removed and they still be functional. The doctors were stabilizing Gma, so we would have to wait to see her. Eventually, it started getting late so people started leaving, until it was my Aunt Missy, my sister Becci, and my brother Brian. We made an attempt to get comfortable in the small waiting room by pulling chairs together and spreading out on the floor, but it didn't quite work out the way we wanted it to. At some point, the doctor came to talk to us and tell us what was going on; Gma had a small heart attack (seems like an oxymoron to me!) and they were trying to stabilize her. After the doctor left, we tried for a little while longer to get some sleep, but still weren't successful. I think I was the first one to leave, around 4:00 in the morning. I went home and called out for work for the next day, Monday October 19. I slept for a few hours and then I went back to the hospital to wait with my family. Eventually a doctor came out and told us that it was not looking good for Gma. We were basically told that she was not going to make it, and the family made the decision to take her off of life support. We all had time to say our good-byes and then surrounded my Gma, holding hands and singing Amazing Grace while we waited for her heart to stop. I was holding Gma's hand and couldn't let go, even after her heart stopped and my Gpa took her home with him. My niece (7 at the time) asked to see Gma, so I took her back, after explaining that Gma didn't look like herself because she had been through so much. As I held my niece in my arms, she asked me how Gma got to Heaven, since her body was still with us. I explained to here that what we see is just Gma's body, but what we love about Gma, her soul, was in Heaven with Gpa. Explaining that to her broke my heart, but she really did understand what I was saying. I remember at one point, after everyone had left Gma's room, my mom and my aunt were talking to the doctor in the hallway and I walked up to my mom, buried my face against her and lost it. I felt like a child, wanting to be held by my mommy, but I knew that she would make me feel better. And she did. She held me in her arms until I was "ok."
The next few days were spent making arrangements, creating a picture board and slideshow to celebrate the wonderful that my Gma was, and writing her a letter to be buried with her. She was buried with letters from the older grandkids as well as her daughters, and pictures from the younger ones. On her headstone is one of her favorite quotes, by Thomas Jefferson: "I cannot live without books." She was laid to rest beside my Gpa on October 23, 2009; one month before their 52 wedding anniversary. Not a day goes by that I do not think of my Gma, and some days I find it hard to remember her voice, but I know that she is always watching over me, and that brings a dose of comfort to my heart. I keep a picture of me with her and Gpa at my high school graduation party; I was the last one of the family to have both of them at my graduation.
Now that I have myself crying, I am going to say that is all for this post. Goodnight blog world! <3
No comments:
Post a Comment